This…

There are certain words which take on new meaning depending on the context. Meters, units of measurement, become units of rhythm in poetry. Somebody’s footprint in the snow may be as tall as a paper clip, while their web footprint is a wide coaxial network of virtual impressions, and their carbon footprint bores a new…

via The Thirst — the MIRACLE of the MUNDANE

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1 down…__ to go

Today marks one month without a drink, or even a sip of a drink.  It’s pretty incredible how much can change in just one month.  I had no desire to drink today.  I did have a case of the munchies, but I’ll take that over alcohol cravings any day of the week.

When I started this, I made myself commit to 30 days.  I didn’t know if I could even MAKE it to 30 days, let alone if I would go further.  Thankfully, it’s nice to find that what you hear is true; it does get easier.

I sleep through the night now.  This is huge for me after years of waking up at 3:00 a.m. with horrible anxiety and a debilitating problem with getting back to sleep.  I still wake up groggy which I’m attributing to years of sleep deprivation and my body trying to repair itself from the damage that I did.

Over the past 30 days, I went to work, the grocery store, and home.  I only went out to eat once and that was during the day for a work lunch.  I became a hermit and quite frankly, I think that’s the smartest thing I could’ve done for myself to help me be successful in this.  I was wrestling enough with myself.  I didn’t need the pressures of outside forces causing me to want to cave.

On this Valentine’s Day, I’m in love with the concept of self-care and of finally working on loving myself.  I would write more tonight, but I have a kiddo begging me to tuck him in…so off I go.  Gotta say goodnight to my Valentines!  ❤

*Beth*

 

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4 weeks

28 days today, and the longest I’ve gone in 6-ish years.  Valentine’s Day will be 30 days.  Huh.

Anyway, I’m sleeping through the night much better now.  My skin is clear and I have more energy.  I still have fleeting thoughts of drinking, but talk myself out of it fairly easily.

I tried yoga for the first time today via an app called Yoga Studio.  I did a beginner’s flexibility class and I found that the 30 minutes absolutely flew by.  I had no idea that yoga would be that relaxing and enjoyable!

Hope everyone out there is having a good weekend.  Thank you all for your encouraging comments over the past 4 weeks; you may not think you make a difference, but you do.  ❤

*Beth*

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Jumper – Third Eye Blind

I haven’t been able to stop singing this today:
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend, 

You could cut ties with all the lies, that you’ve been living in,

And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand.

I would understand,

The angry boy, a bit too insane,

Icing over a secret pain,

You know you don’t belong,

You’re the first to fight, You’re way too loud,

You’re the flash of light, On a burial shroud,

I know something’s wrong,

Well everyone I know has got a reason, To say, put the past away,

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,

You could cut ties with all the lies, That you’ve been living in,

And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,

I would understand.

Well he’s on the table, And he’s gone to code,

And I do not think anyone knows,

What they are doing here,

And your friends have left, You’ve been dismissed,

I never thought it would come to this, And I, I want you to know,

Everyone’s got to face down the demons,

Maybe today, We can put the past away,

I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,

You could cut ties with all the lies, that you’ve been living in,

And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand,

I would understand,

I would understand…

Can you put the past away, I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,

I would understand.

Day 26 is just on the other side of sleep for me tonight. 💤

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The second time around

Tomorrow is day 25 for me, and I am a bit stunned at how fast the time has flown.  I thought time flew when I was drinking, but it seems to go even faster now that I’m present for every waking moment.  Bizarro.

Anyway, tomorrow is of some important significance.  Why, you ask?  Because I’ve only made it to 25 days one time before in the last 6-7 years of knowing I should stop drinking.  I know now that I can and will go farther.  I think the worst time this time around was day 20 and 21.  I don’t know what it was about that damn almost 3 week mark, but I genuinely felt like I wanted to crawl under a rock and hide for a week.

The good news is, after two more good nights of sleep I got past that crappy time, and now I’m here.  So, tonight I’ll get some good rest and be at my second day 25 tomorrow.

I’ve seen someone’s blog post recently that wasn’t actually published (I’ve done that before, too!).  If that lovely person is reading this, I want you to know that I know you think others are doing better than you are, but we are often struggling just as much.  You have to come into your time to stop on your own, and that’s ok.  Know that it took me thousands of day 1s to get here.  Literally, thousands.  Hang in there, and don’t think less of yourself because you’re having a hard time with momentum.  <hug>

*Beth*

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Thought for the day

Saw this and wanted to share:

“You can’t lift a thousand pounds all at once. Yet you can easily lift one pound a thousand times. Tiny, repeated efforts will get you there.”

http://www.marcandangel.com

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21 days

I’ve had an odd weekend.  I really haven’t done much of anything other than lay around and watch tv.  That really isn’t like me at all.

Yesterday was a crappy day; I was emotional and weepy.  I went to bed early and buried myself head under the covers.  Thankfully, sleep came swiftly.

I still can’t pinpoint exactly where all of my emotions were coming from.  I sometimes just get bored and feel like I want to escape. Drinking used to be an escape for me, but it’s not here anymore.  Maybe I should focus on creating a life that I don’t ever need to feel an escape from.  Or, maybe I already have that and I’m just an ungrateful pain in the ass.  Maybe it’s both.
Today was a bit better, but I’m still not myself.  

😞

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